HERE I WAS AMONG THEM
Fallen onto broken stars
the guard marches along the boundary
that indomitable pitch of night
hanging above us all
forgiven and forgotten it never will be.
A moment to stay
and say what has never been said
even under the shining sun
a hand reaches past the sphere of life
breaching what is known
like it was always meant to.
The shadows are sly
like my weary mind in this canyon
a labyrinth carved from red earth
where the sky peers in
with the laughing gods of old
promising to renege.
It still tastes of sage
even rage can’t be my own
forever a fool in design
eyes blinking in reverence
even upon a false idol
who only brings me a cheap demise.
in the quiet moments of the night
your eyes blink with light
waiting in the ever present darkness
you fill my stomach with sharpness
blood fills my throat
as the swamp frogs croak
watching in fear of you,
the one of so few
nails sink gently into my skin
as you suckle out my sin
turning me pure once more
but i’ll still wonder if i’m yours
no the stars do not object
though they do neglect
creatures like you
the ones who make do
always searching for the second fix
on the ebony river styx
THE MIDNIGHT BETWEEN US
wrap around me like a coil
your hand a vice around my throat;
all the need in the world
not enough for you nor i
the moon watches through the windows
and i keep you for myself
as ordained by my love and desire
when the sun rises
the imprint of you dances
across my skin in some lovely fashion
as if i were the most beautiful thing
on the earth,
made solely for you;
teach me how to drink you
how to know you and consume you
give me your prayers
there is everything to wish upon
in the touch between us
THE ONE I PRAY FOR
You are all I want, and I can’t for the life of me, figure out why. I am screaming to you from my heart, and I don’t know myself anymore–I cannot abstain from this desire if it means having you. If there is a chance. I am such a fool, but there is the wish of new faces, of new love, of something wonderful. Oh, I am still the dreamer I used to be; the fantasy never truly goes away–even when I am jaded and cruel. I want nothing else, but the satisfaction of a dream come true.
May I be different? May I be selfish? Will you hate me if I am?
Yes, there is the responsibility to reality. To the truth, and to the cold honesty of the world. I know you may scold me for wishing on fading stars, for wishing on something long gone. But it used to be there, and for me, the past is all I am. So yes, I am the wilting summer, I am the washed away memory of love. But what are you? All I perceive is the dream, but you are not truly. Perhaps I am a fool, but I am not entirely.
Can you be what I want? Can you be different? Will I hate you if you aren’t?
No, I cannot cease this need. But I am afraid it will make you leave, to see how much I am pouring open, spilling over my own cup. I am not truly contained, and I am constantly denying my own truth–even to the moon. Perhaps I am the worst sinner of all. But no, you are the world as it is; you are the clock never ceasing. Maybe I am always chasing after the chime, in search of you.
THE SPRING DIVINER
She is the one upon the hill,
eyes cast to the forever falling sky;
She is the one atop the clouds,
never aware of the coming autumn.
She is the Spring Diviner.
Stories of her various processions
arose across the dying town,
of her miracles to reinvigorate
That once the stars realigned
her hands rose to the gods–
not in prayer,
but in demand.
She is the Spring Diviner.
She is the one who never found girlhood,
and instead found divinity in passing trees;
She is the one who cannot stop dreaming,
and will never truly come back again.
The birds carry her across the land
for she is in search of another blessing,
to find something to cure
but always fleeting…
Her feet lay upon this silver earth
and the grass turns to spun gold–
breathing in miracles,
and sewing prices too big to carry.
She is the one who is never truthful,
or perhaps too ignorant of her gift;
She is the one whom many love,
but will always hate in the end.
She is the Spring Diviner.
NO LOVE IS PAINLESS
the Clouds roll in during the Morning,
spreading the Sun all across
emerald Hills and azure Waves,
and I find myself in waiting.
there is an Ode to you in every waking moment,
and I find Spring in desolate Winters
everytime I think of you.
how the Stars watch me
among a cradle of Night
listening to the songs I sing
to coax you from the Moon.
weaving quilts of Fate and Time,
the Winds bring to me a message
“I will forfeit this longing for you,
if it means you live a life of satisfaction,
and there is nothing to wish for;
do not waste your Time in dreams.”
though you have wrapped my Memories of you
into sharp spades,
meant to dig into my ancient Love of you,
I defy you in grief and unending remembrances
of your presence and absence.
I will Love you anyway.
DEAR LOVELY ONE
dear darling stars and moon,
you gave me more than i perhaps deserved,
and i still feel the gaping hole you left–
will i always feel it?
in butterflies i remember your name
in twinkling nights i hold you again
close to my heart
close to my chest
as if you never slipped away
dear wonderful spring and may,
you loved me more than i ever knew,
and i clutch my heart in waiting for you–
how could i give it away?
in bird songs i swear i hear you
again in harmony
again in courage
in everything kind you kiss me again
like the world were new
like the world were true
as if you never went to sleep
dear delicate clouds and rain,
you had my heart more than you knew,
and i wish i had showed it more to you–
would it have been enough, too?
in dreams i picture you
in sadness i cry and wish you were here
and had never left
and had never gone
as if you were not dead
thank you for loving me.
I shall have you alone,
there is no one else I can fathom in my arms.
When there is a chain around my heart,
it is in your name.
The clouds part and when I watch your face,
yours eyes reflect the great sun.
The autumn falls to the earth but when I think of you,
I cannot help but think of the spring.
Distance is not my enemy,
even when you are far across the sea.
I dream of you
and there is no parting.
Even across these lifetimes,
the gods anticipate our first meeting.
You come to me with different faces and places,
but your love is all the same.
This endless desire is all-consuming,
but I would have no other obsession.
On the other side of this mirror,
your face is all I see.
Some sweet music will do for you,
and there is no time in our small lives.
Stars write our names in the endless canvas
of a dazzling night.
Perhaps in our honor,
I must live infinitely.
There must be an eternity
waiting for me in your embrace.
Though I am not perfect,
even around you.
I am enough for you,
this is your most generous gift.
The world breathes in waiting for you,
just as I do.
Where are you,
I implore you,
come find me.
life will see me again.
THE COMMON END
though i am enticed by love alone
there is life in me
when i set my eyes on the spring
and fate is sewn into my skin
like i could be alive again
in death there are little memories
that which i visit repeatedly
houses filled with the thought of you
oh, how you remind me of old days
when the sun loved me
in this inky dark i fly to stars
searching for life again
for a time when there was everything
and no nothings
the light only lasts for some time
and when i open my eyes
the gods greet me
perhaps in loneliness
this eternity is a hollow shell
and i wait for fullness
in the end
i wait for everything
to come again
and mend me
reaching for you
on the other side
like these lonely gods
who i cannot help but be
when will life come again?
the universe spins endlessly
i contemplated your gaze
wondering what it could mean;
do you love me?
no–that is too much to ask,
do you hate me?
the god stares down at us
her eyes flickering with unseen visions
mouth moving in indescribable words
she is waiting and never waiting.
at once i must ask you,
how far we know,
how far we may go,
how far we sew
this existence of truth?
i long to reach you,
the god is closer to me than you,
and the trees wind and twist
through my hair–whispering.
the sun and the moon
reflect us alone
and she is the sky unwinded;
must we disappoint her
with our ignorance?
a voice speaks in my ear
it shows all temptation,
everything i could bury–
including the god.
but your eyes,
oh, how they remind me of stars,
oh, how they watch,
oh, how your gaze is mine.
there is no choice without you.
only a god and a snake.
YOU, WHO THE STARS SING TO
the great you,
who lies abed in a canopy of stars.
you, who is the greatest lover
of all humanity.
you, who i dream of
in those dusky nights;
you are everything good in this world.
you, the unconditional lover,
my dearest moon.
everyone who has ever lived
looks upon you every night;
you are the reminder of home.
my grief is waned by you alone,
your silvery arms reaching to me
in that godly embrace.
there is no loving without you,
so many secrets you keep,
hidden beneath that veil of stars;
your voice silent between the clouds.
and yet somehow,
i still hear you in my dreams.
you are my great protector.
i am yours to have and to keep.
know this, darling moon:
no matter how long times go on,
i will never stop
i will remember you forever.
BOY FROM MARS
the night has been lonely for you.
your voice comes in whispers,
but your eyes…
they scream at me.
you want to come home, don’t you?
i am your wish-granter,
to you alone…
but i am a dreamer, too.
the moon knows your name, didn’t you know?
when i close my eyes,
we meet on your red planet.
your hair has been stained red and black,
your skin tanned and beaten by a far star,
and your hands —
“i miss you,” you say.
i reply, “i know.”
you tell me, “come back.”
my eyes drop. “there’s nothing to come back to.”
once upon a time,
your dusty home used to be filled,
lush, and protected,
loved by the star.
but time has its enemies.
your home was so.
i want you to stay with me,
but you stay alone.
in stubbornness, perhaps.
the moon will watch over you from afar,
she will let me know where you are.
“but i still miss you.”
Moonflower, a muse whose reflection I devoured,
a kindness that which I scoured.
Eyes of blue and brown,
earth and sea,
I stood in between and found.
I yearned to be a creature like you,
I was the creator.
Once, I was beautiful,
you were more than wonderful.
Tell me at once,
did I squander your love?
Compel me if not true,
I was the one you loved.
Your place was in the stars,
yet, you left a scar —
Moonflower, a time chimes with the hour,
a night forever soured.
Hair of gold and pitch,
night and day,
the sky a ballet,
Do not come back to me,
I am free;
not of your memory.
you have changed entirely,
I am only rearranged.
have I touched your heart?
You know this is true,
I am no weak heart.
My place is out far beyond
where you are —
who you are.